Grief is a strange companion. It sits with you when you least expect it, and it changes shape over time. When someone close to you dies, the world as you know it shifts, and you’re left trying to find your footing on unfamiliar ground.
It's like being caught in a storm without an umbrella.
There's no manual for how to process everything, but there are a few truths that might help you navigate this tumultuous journey. Trust me, I know people write volumes on "what you can expect in grief "however each one of us have our own life experiences, different relationships with our person and this grief is not like your last one.
First, let yourself feel. Seriously... really let these feeling surface come up and boil over. They absolutely need to at some point. The anger, regret, hurt, pain, love and grace ALL of them are part of this storm of grief. The emotions that come with loss can be overwhelming and unpredictable. One moment you might be in ball on the floor listening to a song on the radio, and the next, you might feel a strange calm remembering a an incredible experience with them.
ALL of these feelings are valid.
There's no need to rush through them or push them aside. Pushing them away only has them return at another time to bite you in the ass. They will come back. They are part of your path and honouring them is honouring your loved one.
Lean on those around you. Friends, family, or even support groups can offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can bring a small measure of peace. Groups are not for everyone, that's okay.
People will show up in your life that you least expect and some friends/family can't because of their own grief or they are not able to walk with you for whatever reason. People will break away and become absent. Perhaps ghost you. It's not about you.
LET THEM
While other people or even strangers create incredible bonds with you not out of pity but because they can sit in this space with you. You are not scary or unworthy of people's time, please know that. Those thoughts can play crazy games in your head. Yes, your life has changed dramatically, how could it not, your person is no longer here. Parts of you are hurting, healing will take as long as it needs.
Reminder to friends…grief is forever not just the first three months. Grievers hearts break again when everyone disappear. Your life may go on but for the griever it’s forever changed without permission.
And don’t hesitate to seek out professional support if you need it. Grief counselors can provide a safe space to explore those feelings and find ways to cope with them. It's that non judgement listening ear that can help you navigate family, relationships amongst the grief.
Creating small rituals or finding ways to remember your loved one can be comforting. Whether it’s listening to their favourite song, going for a backroad drive or simply talking to them in your heart, these moments can bring a sense of connection and continuity.
Taking care of yourself might feel like the last thing you want to do, but it’s crucial.
Honestly it seriously is essential.
Eating well, getting some rest, and moving your body can help you manage the physical toll grief often takes. And sometimes, simply being still, breathing deeply, and being present in the moment can offer a bit of solace.
If this is all SO overwhelming, reach out to friends to do grocery runs, go for a walk with you, drive you to appointments or have them make calls for you. Grievers have a difficult time making decisions, so just show up!
Showing up is critical and follow through!!
You do not need an invitation to support those in grief. I can not express enought the power of making time for someone, call, text, or make a time to see each in person. Grief is extremely lonely. An aloniness you have never experienced before. So, grab the pizza and show up, run some errands for them or instacart them groceries. Your time is priceless.
Trusting the process of grief is about giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way and time. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, and there’s no set timeline.
Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. Healing will come, not in forgetting, but in finding a way to carry the love and memory of your loved one forward.
Finding meaning in your loss is a deeply personal journey. Some find comfort in new activities, random acts of kindness, creating a fund in their name, sponsoring their name in a passion of theirs, volunteer work, being around animals or pursuing dreams that honour their loved one’s memory. Others might find solace in quiet reflection or creative expression.
Whatever path you choose, know that it’s your own.
Grief will never fully disappear, but it will change, it shifts. No one should try to take away your grief either. Over time, you’ll find moments of peace and even sparks joy. You are allowed to laugh and cry at the same time, missing them and enjoying the moment.
These moments are not betrayals of your loved one, but signs of healing.
Trust that you are on a path, even when it feels like you’re standing still.
You are NOT stuck.
Trust that, with time, you will find your way.
Continue to breathe
Erin
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